Pieces of What

June 11, 2022

listening: Dreampop Classics

watching: nothing

feeling: fine

location: home?

I've moved back to where I had lived for more than 10 years and I must say I feel at home. By the way, due to my parent's divorce and the changes caused by this, I've been asking myself what it means to me to be at home and this is a question that demands time to be answered. Is it an actual place? Is it the fact that you're near the people you have a deep connection with? Is it a city? Is it a country? A story? A season of the year? A state of mind? All of these things together? Myself? Lately I've been feeling at home in places I didn't expect I would and I've been feeling like a stranger in places I used to think I belonged to and this is so bittersweet... I have also been remembering about the "past me" and all the things I used to think, to feel, to wish... So many things have changed but at the same time I'm the same confused, sad, happy girl. I like remembering me, like I'm not lost somehow... Having said that, I know I sound depressed or at least anxious, but to be honest, I feel optimistic. I know good changes happen after strange times. I feel stronger and excited to see the future. Once more: it's bittersweet, but I'm optimistic.

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May 7, 2022

listening: Caterina Barbieri - SOTRS

watching: Clark

feeling: ok

location: same

I have some pretty important decisions to make, but as the time goes by and I get older, I also get more and more sophisticated at procrastinating. Lately, I've been watching clouds and listenig to music more often to escape the things I actually should be doing asap. This days I saw this amazing cloud and found out it's called pileus cloud and it made my day, haha. It was the first time I saw one of these. I also got addicted to this song.Thom Yorke never fails... I'm fascinated by it, I feel like I'm swimming listening to it. That's all for now. Oh, I almost forgot: My new celebrity crush is Bill Skarsgard.

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April 29, 2022

listening: this playlist

watching: Russian Doll (not right now, of course)

feeling: don't know how to describe it. could be better.

location: future ex home

I'm moving and I hate it. I'm moving back to the city I used to live and I spent less than two years here, so I can't stop thinking that I failed in adulthood. I want safety; I want to be sure what's going to happen in the next five years, at least, but my life changes drastically whenever it wants to. If only the changes were good... The other pain in the ass is: my parents are getting divorced, I guess. They guess. And I've always thought that as a grownup, these things wouldn't hurt me, but I was wrong. When I was a teenager I thought I would be a traveller, that I would get to know every little corner around the world. When I was a kid, I would cry and get desperate when my mom cut her hair, cause it felt like she was a different person. That leads me to conclude that little teenager me was a dreamer and/or a liar. My true self still hates when things change, just like when I was a child. I wanna things to endure; I wanna stay in the same place for a long time, I wanna be home and I don't wanna feel like people around me can change drastically and I can't even recognise them...The third pain in the ass: I'm having seconds thoughts about writing a blog in English, but let's see how it goes.

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